How to stay motivated when forming a new habit gets hard?
This post offers suggestions to regain motivation when the process of forming a new habit is getting hard.
Forming a new habit is hard
Creating a new habit is a difficult. Most of us, myself included, have tried and failed on many occasions. Science shows as well: forming a new habit is difficult. So, should we therefore simply conclude to not even try? No, there are a number of reasons why we all should create new habits, one at a time.
It's getting hard..
At the very start, we most likely are motivated to succeed and do what it takes. We have ourselves equipped with helpers, such as for instance a book, a habit tracker or an app. We set it all up and things work fine for a few days.
And then, we realize that we didn’t act the way we wanted to. We are unhappy with ourselves, we failed, we are disappointed by ourselves. Our motivation to repeat our desired behavior evaporated. That’s the moment to take a step back, breathe and ask yourself the following questions:
Ask yourself these questions when you feel like a failure:
- Forming a new habit is known to be very hard – is it really correct to label myself as a failure because I slipped in the process of learning?
- Would I expect a child to learn to walk without ever falling to the ground?
Try to be kind to yourself and say: “Dear me, we learn by trying and failing until we no longer fall. Simply get back up and try again”.
High expectations
“Start small” has been an advice we have most likely all heard before. And we believe, we know about it and respect it.
However, consider for a moment whether your expectations might have been unrealistically high? Have you really considered that you will slip on numerous occasions? You should.
Try to treat yourself on your way to form your habit the way you would your child in learning to walk. If he falls and cries: comfort him, let him be upset and encourage him to try again despite feeling bad. Clap when he gets back up. Cheer her on when she takes 3 steps without falling! And clap again when he manages to walk from the kitchen stool to you!
The small steps are very well worth celebrating because they are in fact quite large!
Would you like company on your journey?
While there is no other way to form a new habit than you showing up again and again, we can offer you a helping hand that reminds you to reflect about your progress. Our app will prompt you to think about how you are getting along and offers suggestions on how you could modify your strategy if need be.
During tougher times, it shows up more often. And when the automatism starts to build, it lets you live your life.
You might also like to read about How long it takes to form a new habit, one of the posts in our growing Habit Information Hub.
And if you wish to dive deeper into the topic, the sources we used to write this post and related scientific research, have a look at the References and Recommended Readings below.
References & Recommended Reading
- Carden, L., & Wood, W. (2018). Habit formation and change. Current Opinion in Behavioral Sciences, 20(January): 117-122. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cobeha.2017.12.009
- Lally, P., Van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. w.w., & Wardle, J. (2010) How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology Eur., 40, 998-1009 https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674